When I originally drafted this post, it was a moment of complete letting go. Complete non-worry. Complete acceptance of the present tense.
...but of course, I have a show coming, so all of the old ghosts creep in.
Something has changed though.
I am trying to redirect thought in the moment, to move on to an actionable item rather than dwell on what could not or did not happen.
In those moments, it's the perfect time to see a photo of yourself 15 years ago amid the pile of charts.
There you are. The picture of you. Here you can see all of the wonderful things you had to offer at 28.
And yet, you couldn't see those things then.
Isn't that the same as now?
Isn't it eternally the same you shining through and so whatever shell is getting in the way, reducing your confidence, clouding your vision... isn't the you then, the you now and so...? Can you see beyond all of the flaws you so immediately notice about yourself now?
- You're out of practice.
- You can't even find the charts of your own music; everything's a mess. Can you even write a chart to your own music?
- It's too late now. You had something worth sharing then, but you don't have something now.
On and on and yawn and yawn.
Does this happen to you out there?
Tonight I just practiced singing long tones when this happened. It changed it. A little. I'll feel better when more of the charts that only exist in my head are out of my head and on paper.
Happy Sunday? *sigh* It really is a happy Sunday. Other things happened .Just had this temporary delay and hey, maybe this is the best song I could hear write now. This one I recorded the other week when practicing for the show:
C'est La Vie
P.S. If you're a musician friend on this list and you happen to have any of my charts handy...please snap a photo and text them to me! I'm pretty sure in a haste of cleaning up, I threw out a pile of my own handwritten music. :/