Push and pushiness.
"When push comes to shove..."
And other - in my mind - dying paradigms.
I've let people push me. Push in this post has a negative connotation. Or maybe it has a negative connotation out in the world. Why are you pushing? Why am I pushing? Why is pushiness so loud but masquerading as silence - a silence that says "DON'T SAY THIS! NO ONE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!"
Think about the contrast between pushing and inviting. The difference! So stark!!
I've let people push me.
I suppose you could say that's "pushing me around". I suppose it's the same. I always let it happen because ultimately I didn't care about the pusher's agenda. Whatever time was needed was needed more immediately for them to refocus on the goal I saw they needed to help to achieve. I could spend time looking back on the adversarial feelings they were inspiring OR, I could move forward more immediately, grabbing their attention, convincing them to move on the present.
And in this way, I think I thought I was somehow magical, that I was somehow transforming aggression just because I wasn't seeing it reappear the same way. I thought this was a way to demonstrate value and that truly demonstrated value was irresistible, contagious, exponentially reciprocal.
But it's not for everyone. And not addressing the truth - of how things aren't working in our society - of how things aren't working in day-to-day interactions - only perpetuates bad behavior, poor treatment of people, disrespect.
I've been accommodating. It's a gross word when you think about applying that adjective to yourself. I've accommodated sexism, racism, imperialism, colonialism, needyness, self-centered-ness, any kind of uncomfortable-ism that wants to place itself above other people. My accommodation looked like silence, or an awkward joke to try and break through reality. It looked like being stunned. It looked like 4 or more hours of trying to write or rewrite communication to someone. It even looked diplomatic or neutral. Sometimes confrontation actually should have all of the fire of emotion that it hit you with. I think? Maybe not.
I think about the future consequences almost immediately. Will everything be harder? Everything?
- - - - - - here is the boundary - - - - - - -
Now what happens when it's crossed?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Probably nothing. Probably it's just over. And good.
More room for all the things that don't push but invite...
That's where it's at. for me. for my family. for my friends and loved ones.
You are invited.
YOU are INVITED.
You are welcome.