I quit my job. 

(in 2003)

On a day's notice. It's the only time I've done that. 

"How dare I ask for more money...When someone asks you to step up, you say yes!" he roared red-faced in front of the entrance lobby of my work as everyone looked through the glass wall office. I tried to stay neutral. I was shaking...that shake. With every roar, I tried to diffuse his anger, 'he can escalate, but I will neutralize' was what I kept saying to myself, but then he got me. His "how dare I take advantage of the company in its moment of need" flew like a giant fishing hook into my gut and it was over. This strange uproar was the result of my request for more money, not even a request, consideration of a request!  This ugliness. This master and slave ugliness and that's when I started crying, bawling. And then, seeing I was broken, he calmed from his ten alarm fire of distraction down to zero - so fast, I realize in retrospect the creepy speed at which he shifted gears. Without a trace of his rage he calmly offered that the job was just like family, how I'd rethink my position over the weekend and come back clear-headed. 

I did. And I quit.

I remember what I was wearing in that shaking moment. It was a mint cotton 3/4 sleeve shirt and black straight leg jeans.

Close door. Open new one.

Possibly the same day, but more likely the next one, I walked down the street and right into Todd Brown's studio in San Francisco, a studio which would become Red Poppy. I would tell him I just quit my job and needed a place to play. He would tell me he had been talking about that 5 minutes prior to my arrival.

I started playing there weekly across I think a year or so? That weekly conversation, the rotating cast of musicians - who can do the gig this week? - that's what you need to develop something, anything really. Time, relationship, and some really talented people who are willing to go down your road just to see where it leads. Thanks to everyone who showed up during that time.

It's strange to look back and see the community that surrounded me then and at the same time remember feeling alone. I felt alone with these songs. I think I still felt on the wrong side of urgent.

I didn't know I was just dreaming about today.

I can wonder how it would have changed things, or I can recognize that's what is happening the next time I feel alone with my perspective. 

On a related and not related note, this article from start to finish.

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